Invisible
by IvyMaz
Summary: Forgotten. Cast aside. Everyday of her life she has been in the background. Finally giving herself time to reflect has put everything into perspective. She wasn't important to anyone, even her family.
1. Chapter 1

"I'll be at the clinic all day today. Your father has already gone to see Commander Taylor. Josh is probably with Skye and her friends and Zoe needs to go to school in about an hour. I expect you to get her there on time and to pick your sister up when school ends later today. I'll also need you to watch her after school." My mother tossed this casually over her shoulder as she moved from one part of the room to another gathering her supplies. Already expecting me to smile and nod, saying that I would do everything, like I had always done. Slapping on my signature smile and telling her not to worry she didn't even look over at me as she stepped out the front door. My façade immediately dropped as I sighed. Not once had my mother asked me what I had planned today even though she knew everyone else's schedules by heart. What if I had been to busy to watch Zoe for once? I shook my head. I wasn't going to let this get to me.

Stepping away from the door and past the kitchen I made my way to mine and Zoe's room. I walked in to see Zoe dressed in her favorite outfit and in all her five year old glory trying to brush her hair, unsuccessfully. Distracting myself from my earlier thoughts I grabbed the brush from her and gently maneuvered my way through the tangles. The motion reminded me of being back in 2149. Sitting in our crammed apartment helping her get ready. Once Dad had been sent to prison they had allowed her to attend the elementary school with no further issues. After all, a family is four.

She would wiggle and squirm but after fitting her re-breather on her face I would walk her there and then continue to the high school a few streets over. Josh always walked with his friends so he didn't ever see me before or during or even after the school day really. It was for the best anyway. He never saw the bullying... Although, I was invisible to the family anyway. Anything I did was often pushed off to the side. I mean, I had almost died and right in the middle of them comforting me Josh had overshadowed me by simply putting a capsule of medicine on the table. I couldn't remember the last time that my family had said they appreciated me for me. Or said they cared. That is, if they even did.

I was yanked out of my thoughts when Zoe pulled away. I saw that I had brushed through all of her hair and even put a headband in while I was thinking. Standing up I went to the kitchen to cut up some fruit for Zoe. She followed behind and sat at the table pulling out a paper to color on. She didn't say anything to me. I grabbed a bowl and began to make a fruit salad for her. I would have made one for myself but I truly wasn't hungry. Finishing up I placed the bowl in front of her and began cleaning up the sticky mess. She didn't glance up from her picture even as she grabbed a fork and dug in. No thank you. No gapped tooth smile. I pretended not to notice.

I moved back into the room to get dressed myself. Looking in the mirror was like looking at a corpse. My eyes were dead, lacking there usual spark and my skin seemed pale and lifeless. I looked away ashamed of my appearance. I looked the exact same as in 2149. Terra Nova was supposed to be a fresh start. Apparently for everyone but me.

Once I had finished braiding a strand of my hair I came out of the room in my outfit and moved to grab all of Zoe's school supplies and after a moments thought, my own plex-pad. When they were all in my hand I looked at the clock to see it was time.

"Zoe, you have to go to school." Sighing she slid away from the table and grabbed my hand before walking with me out the door. She didn't say anything and I was to tired to whirl into a ramble of science facts. I'm sure it would only bore her anyways. I noticed that it was a bit cloudy but nothing to worry about right now. Maybe later tonight. We arrived right on time and I handed her the supplies before she ran into the building, excited to see her friends. I stood there a few moments before turning and heading down the road.

I noticed Josh walking with his friends and plastered on a smile and added a quick wave. He glanced over but quickly looked away obviously ashamed to be seen with me. My eyes landed on the ground sadly as I continued walking. Of course. It wasn't cool to be seen with your nerdy, dorky sister. Realizing I didn't want to be home right at that moment I travelled towards the walls around Terra Nova. Mark had once shown me an abandoned outlook while we were together. It was a great place to go if you wanted some peace and quiet and I loved the way it looked like a treehouse. After a short walk and cautious climb up into the outlook I was relieved to see that I was alone with my thoughts for as long as I wanted to be. No one knew where I was. No one would wonder where Maddy Shannon was because no one would bother to look.

I leaned back against the wall and gazed out over Terra Nova with unfocused eyes. I was so tired of everything. I wasn't okay and I was sick of pretending I was. I would never tell anyone that though. I was the glue of our family. The one always smiling and looking on the positive. The one everyone could rely on. It hurt. It hurt more that I could put into words.

Everything had changed when dad was sent to prison. Josh started to leave the house more and more often until he was never there. Something that he still did today. Never was he there to help take care of Zoe. The responsibility fell to me since mom was always working. It seemed to be all that I was good for. Even before dad went to prison I was in the background. My rambled outbursts of facts were waved off in one quick motion. I never said anything about school or the people there. No one ever asked. I never said anything about the aching burning feeling in my lungs. No one ever noticed. That was okay though. They all had something more important to do.

Once dad did go to prison Mom was always worrying. About Josh and his sudden attitude. About dad and the terrible conditions of the prison. About Zoe one day being taken away. I didn't want her to worry about me so I never said anything. Josh had a relationship with Kara. It consumed everything he did. Family seemed to fall by the wayside. Zoe was to young to understand what the real situation was. So I stayed with her and took care of her. A sleepless night because a certain someone moves around in there sleep? No problem. Frustrated tears because mom was staying late at the hospital again? Nothing a good bed time story couldn't fix. There was always more though. Waiting for Josh to come home after a day over at Kara's. Making every meal with the few groceries we had. Going out to buy said groceries with Zoe's hand in mine. Doing laundry and cleaning and still doing all my school work.

I scoffed at my own thoughts. Just thinking about the hours I slaved over my tablet trying to learn everything I could, required or not flashed through my brain. Of course it was never appreciated.

Memory:

 _I had been moved up another level in school. While I had acted nonchalant about it at home I was absolutely terrified of what the repercussions would be. The students had always been a bit resentful of my grades and how easily I picked up things. Now I'm sure that thought that I was showing off. Walking into the building I could feel the stares. Whispers followed me down the hallway as I made my way to my first class. Suddenly, a harsh push knocked me forcibly into the lockers. Looking up dazed I saw three older boys scowling at me._

 _"You absolute waste! What do you think you are doing?" I was to terrified to respond. I had been through this before but each time was just as scary as the last. I never knew what to do. The boy on the right grabbed the front of my shirt and pushed me unto the lockers again. My head slammed back and lights danced across my eyes._

 _"Ple-please, I'll let you see my homework o-or the study sheets. J-just let me go please." My voice shook and cracked as I felt tears gather in my eyes. The boys looked at one another and laughed. The one on the left spoke first._

 _"It's way to late for that you piece of crap." The bell suddenly rang and those that had gathered round to watch reluctantly left to there respective classes. The boys didn't move. When the hallway was practically empty the boy in the middle lobbed a solid punch right into my stomach. I doubled over gasping and coughing. The boy on the left hit my square on the cheek and I tumbled to the ground. The boy to the right kicked my back multiple times while I curled into myself. I could deal with this. It wasn't so bad I tried to convince myself, but it was always harder the more the beating lasted._

 _The boy in the middle grabbed my bag which I had dropped. Turning it over all of the supplies fell to the floor with an echoing clatter. He kicked them around the hall as I was continually hit in the back, the stomach, the legs, the arms. Everywhere possible was being attacked. I opened my eyes I bit to see the last boy pick up my re-breather. He smirked to himself as he threw it against the lockers violently. I could only watch helplessly as it broke in front of my eyes. Tears welled up once again and I tried to stop them. It was practically a death sentence not to have a re-breather. The air was to polluted to breath without one._

 _With the last destruction of my property the hits stopped coming and I heard laughter as footsteps pounded away from me. Picking myself up I immediately crawled to the re-breather hoping that it still functioned. Pieces lay scattered around it and I picked each one up carefully. I couldn't loose these. After picking up the rest of my things and stuffing it all into my backpack I moved down the hall and headed towards the library. I needed to fix my re-breather before anything else. We didn't have the money to buy another. I slipped in quietly not attracting any attention before moving to a hidden alcove between the shelves. This should give me some privacy. Pulling out my tablet I searched a diagram of the re-breather model and studied each individual part and where it was placed. After memorizing every detail I set into my project making sure to mind the time. I still had to pick up Zoe as well. I had a few hours to fix my re-breather before then._

 _It took an hour to put the pieces back in the way I believed they went. Now it was time to test it. Putting it on my face and heading to the schools small courtyard I opened the door cautiously. Taking a short breath my lungs immediately felt as if they were on fire. I hurriedly closed the door as I heaved and coughed for real air. Once I had calmed down enough I moved back to the library and studied the model again. Replacing pieces and maneuvering again I set out for the courtyard, much more hesitant this time. Taking in a small breathe I found that I could breathe without a fire licking at her lungs like before. With a smile of accomplishment I turned back to the library to clean my temporary work station and collect my bag. Once that was done the bell for the end of the school day rang. Surprised at how long it had taken me to fix my re-breather I stepped out of the school doors and to Zoe's. My re-breather worked fine on the way there and even a little ways after picking Zoe up but about a block away my breath turned to fire burning it's way into my throat. I picked up my pace and held Zoe's hand as I tried to breath as little as possible. Coughing over and over again until we made it to the apartment and I could take a real breath. Zoe looked worried but I waved her off with a reassuring smile._

 _"Zoe, go do your homework. I think I'm going to mess around for a bit." Moving to the couch I put my re-breather on the coffee table and tried once again to fix it with the tools lying around the house. With the screws properly tightened and placed precisely I knew that it would work the next time I went out._

It wasn't long after that that I began to cough up blood. My stay at the hospital for multiple weeks was pushed aside in there minds as mom was nominated for Terra Nova. Just another time when I was forced to the background. No one knew just how hard it was to still breath. No one cared once the immediate danger passed. I don't blame them though. Terra Nova was much more important at the time. Especially finding a way for dad to go with us.

After getting here I thought things would be different. Reaching up to rub my eyes I realized that I had been crying. Disgusted with myself I wiped the tears away harshly, trying to hide the fact they had ever been there. Looking around I realized that the sky had darkened considerably and it was now pouring rain. The roof above me echoed the sound of the rain drops and I saw them trail down into waterfalls off the tiles. Looking at the time I realized that it was probably time to go get Zoe but couldn't I just have one break? The school would call my mom and she would call Josh so that he could look after her for once. How terrible could that be? Content to just sit there I sank back into my thoughts.


	2. An Unexpected Visitor

I thought Terra Nova would be different. A fresh start. Dad was home again. Everyone could be happy. Mom didn't seem so worried all of the time which was good but Josh still had an attitude towards everyone. Snarky comments every time someone said anything. All he did was pull other people down. Honestly, I was usually getting the brunt of it since my parents were never around and he was never rude to Zoe. Some of his comments always made me cringe and think back to 2149.

"Is the over achiever just barely achieving?" That one had hurt just because of how similar it was to what the kids at school said. If he would have knocked me down a flight of stairs it all would have been perfect. Gosh I remember when my body would be covered in bruises and still no one noticed. It was both relieving and depressing. Or how about, "I was having a life Maddy", the quiet fact that I didn't have one hung in the air between us. I pushed it aside but it still nagged at me. My brother thought that I was a know-it-all geek that was just sitting in the background. Of course he was to cool to acknowledge me. He probably didn't even want to be related to me.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had never been born. Dad would never have gone to prison. Zoe wouldn't have had to hide. We wouldn't have had to spend thousands on a month long hospital stay. No dinky little sister to mess up everything. Josh would still act like a part of the family since he would look after Zoe. Mom wouldn't have had to work as much.

I pull my knees up to my chin and bury my face in my arms. I was so useless. Why in the world would my family still care about me? The thought made me stop. When was the last time they had asked me about my day? When had they helped me with a problem without me coming to them first? When was the last conversation I had had with them that didn't pertain to taking care of Zoe? More tears travelled down my cheeks as I realized I couldn't remember. It was always do this, do that, take Zoe here, or there. I loved her more than anything else but it was a lot to ask everyday with no break ever. I just needed them to realize what I do, who I am is important. I scoffed to myself again. They hadn't noticed for the entire sixteen years I was alive. What would change it?

It was like I was a shadow. You couldn't ever see me until everything was going dark and then you needed me. You found me and like a shadow I stayed attached to you, always there and always waiting, but you never noticed me until the darkness seemed to swallow you and then I was ordered to counteract the darkness so you could have a break from being scared. Not knowing that the darkness always seemed to corrupt my own soul and that one day when you called on me I wouldn't help, but instead join the darkness in its attack against you. I honestly wondered how much longer I could go on before the darkness swallowed me whole.

Gosh, and my family was all so stupid! Standing up quickly in my rage I began to pace. They all had some odd knack for attracting trouble. Always getting hurt and expecting me to deal with the aftermath. What happens when one day one of them doesn't come home. I won't have time to cry because I'll be to busy trying to pick up the pieces of my family. I won't be allowed to cry. I still need to be the positive outlook when everything feels like it's tumbling to the ground. I don't know what I would do if they didn't come home. As stupid and insensitive as they could be I still loved them and didn't want them hurt.

It just, every time I seem to do something momentous something bigger and better always seems to steal my moment. Moving up grade levels in 2149 overshadowed by the population polices constant patrols. New award at school overshadowed by Josh's new guitar. Coughing up blood for weeks on end overshadowed by a second chance at life when I already thought I wouldn't survive the first one. The thought had crossed my mind that if I died they could take dad with them as a family of four. It would be so easy for them. I never voiced it out loud but sometimes I wonder if the others thought about it to. Coming to Terra Nova and knowing every fact about the place overshadowed by Josh's escapade out side the gates. Being attacked by a crazy Commander Taylor overshadowed by my parents returning home. My complete disappearance from the colony and a night out side the gates completely unnoticed by my family members.

And finally discovering a murderer inside Terra Nova only to be almost killed because of the knowledge overshadowed once again by my stupid idiotic brother and his need to see his girlfriend. If anything should have gotten their attention it should have been that and yet I was still pushed to the side in all of three seconds. I wonder if Zoe wouldn't have been the one to tell my dad the safe word if he would have bothered to come and find me anyway. I'd like to think maybe but the sinking feeling in my gut tells me that I would be dead right now if that were the case. Gosh it hurt. It hurt to know that my family never noticed me. Never cared. Falling back to lean against the wall once more I cried. Letting out everything that I had suppressed for years.

Mark's POV:

Walking towards the Shannon's house later that night I could immediately tell that something was amiss. Even with the rain pounding on the gravel around me it was much to quiet. I picked up the pace and knocked on the door worriedly. It was yanked open in record time and I saw Mr. Shannon standing in the doorway.

"Hello Mr. Shannon. Would Maddy happen to be here at the moment. I wanted to spend some time with her if that's alright." Mr. Shannon seemed to deflate at my words and I tried to think what I had said wrong. "Mr. Shannon, is everything okay?" He turned back into the house and I followed after in worry only to see the rest of the family sitting in the living room. They all looked downcast. There was one thing missing from the picture however and I realized quickly that Maddy wasn't there.

"So you don't know where she is either?" I turned to Mr. Shannon in surprise.

"She's missing?" The thought alone terrified me. Josh cut in after my outburst.

"She didn't pick Zoe up from school today. The school called mom and mom called me to come get her." That wasn't like Maddy at all.

"No, I haven't had time today to see her. I was guarding the main gates today and I never saw her enter the courtyard. I assumed she just stayed home or something." I answered Mr. Shannon's question from earlier.

"Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" Mrs. Shannon asked. I shook my head in the negative. I had no idea where she could be. She sighed sadly and nodded. "Thank you Mark for coming over but I think it's best if you go to your own home." I nodded in understanding before making my way to the door. After letting myself out and stepping back out into the pouring rain, I began the long walk to my house still thinking of Maddy. Where in the world could she be? She was to smart to have gone OTG and not tell anyone. If she hadn't gone to collect Zoe she could be in danger.

Feeling more terrified than before at the thought I racked my brain for places she could be. The weather was much to miserable for a walk through the orchards. The science buildings were closed this late at night. There was no special occasion taking place in the courtyard and all of the market stalls had been tucked away when the rain started.

Continuing down the road I stopped once I realized I wasn't heading towards my house but instead the abandoned outlook building. It had always been a place for me to go and clear my thoughts. Stepping into the wooden structure and climbing up the stairs I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice the body wracking sobs coming from the top until I was almost there. Listening closely to see if I could help whomever was above me I cautiously poked my head up. To my infinite relief and terror all at once I realized that Maddy was the one sitting in the tower sobbing her heart out. Relief that she was safe inside the gate, terror that she looked so devastated. I didn't know how to react. Do I let her cry? Do I comfort her?

My mind was made up when I heard her choked whimpers make there way past her arms in which she had her head buried. Stepping quietly into the room I walked over to her and sat besides her soundlessly. Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. She looked up startled at my presence and I was able to see her face for the first time. Her eyes were wide, bloodshot and puffy from crying. Her nose was running a little. Her cheeks had multiple tear tracks running down them. Staring at her as she sniffled and stared at me in surprise I wondered what was hurting her so much that she had taken the time to hide here just so that she could cry with no one around.

"M-Mark?! What are you doing here?!" She hastily wiped at her eyes and cheeks trying to hide the tear trails. It was no use, I had already seen them.

"Maddy, what's the matter?" I couldn't bear not knowing what was making her so sad.

"Nothing, there's nothing wrong! I was just sitting here thinking about some stuff from before. It's not a big deal. It just made me a bit sad but I don't know why I was crying. I mean, tears are only a protein-based hormones prolactin with adrenocorticotropic hormone and Leu-enkephalin, but those are only emotional tears. There are two other types of tears and those are..." She trailed off from her ramblings quicker than usual and with sullen eyes. I was surprised to say the least. Maddy's rambles were always at least three minutes long.

"Maddy, you're obviously not okay. What's going on?" She didn't meet my eyes. "Maddy?" I reinforced. She sighed before looking up at me.

"Do you think...do you think that my family cares about me?" The question seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Maddy, of course they do. Why would you think they don't?" She didn't say anything and I waited patiently. This was so unlike her and I wasn't sure how to handle it.

"I just-I mean...ever since dad was sent to prison, and even before that, everything I did o-or do even seems to fall by the wayside. Everything's always about Zoe or about Josh and the latest stunt he's pulled. I just don't think they notice me. They only talk to me when they need someone to watch Zoe or someone to go buy groceries at the market. They haven't talked to me like a normal person since...I-I can't remember. It was like this even before Terra Nova. I don't think they care about me as much as the others." I was shocked hearing this. That can't be true. But looking back on it now it made sense. Everyone was always out of the house either leaving Maddy entirely alone or to look after Zoe. But I couldn't tell her that. It would just make her feel worse.

"What about your dad. He's always protecting you guys."

"He's always hanging out with Zoe trying to build some more memories or running after Josh to make sure he doesn't do something stupid. I haven't talked to him one on one since the first night we got here." Her eyes, if possible, looked even more downcast than before.

"What about your mom?"

"She's always busy. She's always working. She's never around when I need her. She's pretty much always right next to dad now that he's back." Thinking back I could see what she was saying was right. I didn't bother bringing up Josh's name since I knew how unhelpful he was when with his family. I didn't have to though because Maddy was already speaking.

"And it's not like I don't love Zoe or anything but she's still to young to understand that mom and dad are always in danger so I have to be strong for her and it's always so hard. And Josh is never around to help and if anything he just makes it worse because he's so snarky. He's always making rude comments." She went on to list all of the things he had said to her in the last week and it took everything I had not to get up right then and run to her house just to punch him in the face.

Idiot, worry wart, not having a life, overachiever, selfish, etc. None of them were true, but I can imagine him saying it to her and her eyes becoming the slightest bit more downcast with each word. If that was just in the last week I wasn't sure I could look at him again without my fingers itching to pull the trigger of my gun and shoot him. Seeing the damage he had caused to his little sister. How could he? I held Maddy tight as she sobbed into my chest, rubbing her back and kissing her head, until something she said made me pause in my soothing.

"Gosh, sometimes he's just like the kids back at school. I never want to be in that situation again." What situation?

"Maddy, what are you talking about?" She stiffened immediately and I realized that she must not of realized what she had said.

"I-I..." She could only stutter.

"Maddy, what situation?" I tucked my finger under her chin so that she was looking at me.

"I'm to smart for my own good I guess." She launched into a depressing story about life in 2149. The kids at school who bullied her everyday until she could hardly walk. About her re-breather being slammed against a locker and shattered into pieces. About her having to fix it herself and test it. About inhaling large amounts of poisonous air when it stopped working in the middle of her walk. About the weeks after, before she began to cough blood. About the hospital where machines had to breathe for her because she was to weak to do it herself. How all of it was forgotten when the offer to go to Terra Nova came and she was once again ignored. How she went back to school to deal with the bullying which had become even worse now that the others knew she was escaping to Terra Nova. Of nights laying in bed not moving because her bruises hurt to much. Of how terrified she was that she would just stop breathing one day. How she thought that maybe it wouldn't have been to bad if she had died.

"I mean, even after that whole situation with Dr. Horton they never really gave me the time of day because Josh did something stupid again. Honestly, I don't think my dad would of come for me if I was the one to call him. It was a good thing Zoe was there because he wouldn't have listened to the geeky one when Zoe is so much better. I would probably be dead right now." I squeezed her hand tightly and when she looked at me I put my hands on her cheeks.

"Maddy, I never want to hear you say that again. You are perfect. I don't know what I would do without you. You're everything to me. I can't say anything for your family but I think you should talk to them. Nothing would be better if you had died. I would never have met you. Maddy, I-I love you." I cringed at how needy I sounded but it was the truth. If something ever happened to her I don't think I could live with it. Looking at her I realized that I would do anything for her.

"Mark..." Leaning forward slowly I met her lips with my own in a gentle and chaste kiss. She reciprocated and when I pulled away I looked deep into her eyes. They were filled with tears once again and I panicked thinking I had done something wrong. Suddenly she pulled me into another kiss, this one longer and full of all of her muddled emotions. I melted into it. When we finally pulled away for breath she looked happier.

"Mark, I love you too." I smiled like a lunatic before standing up and pulling her into a hug. She gave a watery laugh and hugged back. I'm not sure how long we stood like that but when we finally did pull away from each other the rain had let up some and now it was only sprinkling. I looked down at her.

"Maddy, I think you should go back home. Your family was really worried about you before. They don't know where you are." She looked surprised.

"They noticed I was gone?" My heart broke a little.

"Yeah Maddy, they noticed." She nodded to herself in a stupor. Taking her hand gently I lead us back down the steps and she followed quietly behind. Stepping onto the road is when she stopped moving. I looked back in concern.

"What do I tell them? They're going to wonder where I was. I-I can't tell them about this. I'm supposed to be the positive one. The one everyone can rely on. They're going to realize that I'm useless and never want anything to do with me again." I grabbed her shoulder gently to make sure she was looking at me.

"Maddy, they are not going to realize that you're useless because you're not. They are going to realize that they are putting to much pressure and responsibility on a sixteen year old girl, their daughter, and they are going to find a way to make you feel like a part of the family."

"But what if they don't?" She whispered quietly. It was heart breaking.

"Then you always have me okay?" She nodded hesitantly and we continued down the road towards her house.


	3. Confrontation

Walking towards my house had never been as nerve wracking as it was right in this moment. With Mark's hand in mine I felt just the slightest bit better but I knew it wouldn't last long. Whatever courage I had before was fast dissolving as we finally came to a stop in front of my house. The lights from the house seemed brighter against the black night sky. I could see the silhouette of my family sitting in the living room. I turned to Mark with a terrified look complete with wide eyes.

"Mark, I don't think I can do this. I'm not sure if seeing them is a good idea. I might say something that I regret later and that won't help anyone. Or what if they see me and just ignore me, or what if they yell at me and don't listen, or...or..." Mark squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"Maddy, they aren't going to do that. And you're not going to say something you regret because this has been on your mind for a while now, I can tell. You need to talk to them, let them know how you are feeling." His words calmed me down some. Turning back towards the door I heaved a deep breath. I turned my head to the side to look at Mark once more.

"Will, you come with me...Just for the beginning?" He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

"Of course I will."

"You always know exactly how to help me. Thank you Mark." He nodded bashfully before I started walking towards the door. It was now or never I guess. Putting my hand on the doorknob I took one last deep breathe before entering the house. Walking in my family stopped what they were doing and watched me. Mark entered after me and closed the door behind himself. The room was silent.

"H-hey guys." I waved awkwardly and whatever was holding them in place seemed to loose its grip. My mom immediately jumped off the couch and raced to give me a hug. I stumbled from the impact but gave her a hug back regardless. When was the last time this had happened? I had missed this. When she let go of me I was still shocked by the hug and didn't reach down in time to grab Zoe as she barreled into my legs. I tried to rub her back from my awkward position. I saw Josh from out of the corner of my eye come forward but he didn't move to hug me. He looked a bit mad actually. My dad moved forwards then and gave me a small side hug before letting go. Zoe also let go of my legs and I balanced myself out again. When the hugs stopped and the tension filled the room I knew that I was in trouble. Reaching behind myself I grabbed Mark's hand where no one else could see.

"Maddy, what in the world were you thinking? You were supposed to pick up Zoe!" My mom asked impatiently. Before I could respond my dad butted in.

"And what in the world made you think you shouldn't tell us where you were?"

"Yeah Maddy, for being so smart you messed up big time." Josh mumbled this under his breath but I still heard it. I cringed in on myself. Mark's grip tightened and I looked back to see him glaring at my brother. Had he heard him too? My thoughts were interrupted by Zoe and I turned back around.

"How come you didn't pick me up from school today Maddy? You always do." Deciding that that was the easiest question to answer I let go of Mark's hand and knelt down at her level.

"I wanted to surprise you. It must get boring walking with me everywhere so I thought that Josh could do it today to make things more exciting," Zoe looked at me skeptically before nodding her head in understanding. "Hey Zoe, why don't you go color in our room. I really want to see what you draw." A smile splayed across her whole face and she rapidly sprinted down the hall and into the room. I stood back up and looked back at my parents. I grabbed Mark's hand once again. I was so glad he was here to help me.

"Maddy, answer my question." Dad butted in. I flinched before starting.

"There was no one to tell. You, mom, and Josh were all gone. And Mark was working." He looked angered at my response but conceded, knowing that I was right.

"What about the first question Maddy?" I looked at my mom and looked down at the floor. No one knew about the outlook and Mark had shown it to me in confidence. I didn't want her to know about it. Or about the fact that I had cried the entire day away.

"I don't know but-" I was cut off by Mark.

"Mrs. Shannon, I don't think that's the question you need to be asking." I glanced at him a bit taken aback. I still wasn't sure that I wanted to say anything about what had happened today.

"What do you think I should be asking then Mr. Reynolds." My mom sounded aggravated.

"You should be asking why ma'am." Marks tone was a bit sharper.

"Alright, why Maddy, why in the world were you not there to pick up your sister today? You had nothing else going on! That was the only thing I asked you to do." My voice didn't seem to be working. Every time I opened my mouth no words came out. I didn't know what to do so I just looked down at the floor. Mark's hand in mine brought me back to reality when he began tracing patterns on it with his thumb.

"I just needed a break." I said quietly. Lifting my eyes from the floor I could see my moms face as she scoffed.

"From what Maddy? You don't have anything to do during the day. Why couldn't you have picked up your sister?" Dad jumped in quickly.

"You can't just shirk your responsibilities Maddy. We all have something that we need to do."

"Dad's right Maddy. Your job is to watch Zoe. Not mine. I had to drop everything to go get her and I wasn't able to hang out with my friends all day. That's not cool to drop on me without any warning. Next time just don't rely on me being there." Josh said sassily. Frustrated at seeing the one person who never worked a day in his life suddenly put in my position for a day and already complaining. Frustrated that my parents were berating me for one mistake, when I could count on one hand the amount of times I had ever done something they didn't approve of. Frustrated at them ignoring me and my problems for years... I still couldn't find my voice, even then, as my family began to argue loudly with me. Each one yelling so they could be heard over the others. I stepped back overwhelmed with the onslaught directed towards me.

Suddenly I was transported back to the hallways at my old school. Being pushed into the lockers and yelled at for getting an A on the last test while everyone else was hoping for a curve. Being mercilessly beaten until I couldn't stand. This was exactly what I was worried would happen. Gosh, please don't let this be happening. I was snapped out of my thoughts once again by Mark. Still with my hand in his he stepped in front of me and glared at my family steadily. I looked around him to see them all stop in surprise. My dad got his second wind.

"Mark, I appreciate the fact that you found Maddy and brought her home but I believe that you have overstayed your welcome. This is between our family." Mark didn't break eye contact with my family as he replied.

"I'm staying until Maddy feels comfortable with all of you." My dad's face looked comically taken aback at that.

"Why in the world would she not feel comfortable here?! We're her family! You're out of line solider." Mark stiffened but didn't leave his spot on front of me.

"I don't believe I am." Mark looked back at me with sympathy in his eyes and I could only send him a small shy smile in return. I wasn't ready for this. My dad once again interrupted us.

"Maddy, what is he talking about?! You feel comfortable with us don't you?! Tell him that he can leave!" I flinched and looked up at him with wide eyes, terrified. I hadn't seen him so mad since he was arrested, even with Josh. He seemed to notice for once my dismay and his face turned to one of confusion.

"Maddy?" He reiterated now in a questioning tone. This was my chance to tell them everything and yet...I could just pretend today had never happened. Laugh all of this off as a bad joke and never think about it again. I could just pretend that I was happy. The others would never know. I lent into Mark's back and felt like crying all over again. I felt him shift and suddenly his arms were around me and the house went silent.

"I don't think I can do this." I whispered into his chest. His chin came to rest on my head and he rubbed circles on my back.

"I know that you can." He whispered back. An uncomfortable cough caught my attention. Turning my head I could see my family staring at us intensely. I loosened my grip on Mark and he did the same to me in return before I stepped back from the hug. Looking back at my family I glanced at their faces and saw confusion and worry for once actually directed at me. I decided to start off with what should have been a simple question.

"Do you guys care about me?" The house was silent for much longer than I was hoping. Did it really take them so long to answer this? A sudden laugh caught my attention and I turned to see Josh trying to cover up his smirk.

"What kind of question is that Maddy? Gosh, you're supposed to be the smart one," he said as he rolled his eyes. I flinched once again.

"Where in the world is this coming from Maddy?" My mom asked. My eyes fell to the floor again.

"Ju-just answer the question." My hope that maybe they still did care was fast depleting.

"Maddy of course we care about you. Why would you think that we didn't?" I paused before I answered and turned back to Mark.

"You've already listened to all of this and I don't want you to have to hear all of it again. Also...I kind of need to do this myself. I'll come find you when we've talked, okay?" He looked concerned.

"Are you sure?" I glanced back at my family fidgeting behind us.

"Yeah" He nodded in understanding and I was relieved to see that he wasn't angry. Kissing the crown of my head once again he made his way to the door and stepped outside into the night with one last glance over his shoulder. I turned back to my family. It was now or never.


	4. Revelation

I wasn't sure where to start. I didn't know how much I wanted to tell them. I didn't know how they would react to the news. I stood quietly with my back to them before turning around slowly.

"Maddy, what in the world is going on?!" My mother yelled. Once again I flinched and stiffened instinctively. Her eyebrows drew together in confusion at my actions. Looking down at the ground, I whispered solemnly.

"None of you asked where I was."

"What?" If anything, my mother just looked more lost. I repeated myself more forcefully.

"None of you asked where I've been all day. If you guys cared about me wouldn't that be the first thing on your mind? If I was somewhere safe or not? And Mark was right. None of you asked why I wasn't around today either." My parents didn't know what to say to that however, Josh did.

"Why are you being so stupid Maddy?! First you skip all of your responsibilities the entire day, then you make me do all the work before coming home so late at night that it's ridiculous! To top it all off you just ask a bunch of cryptic questions about why no one took time out of their busy day to find you. What is wrong with you?!" I stared at him disbelievingly. Was he serious? Was he really so hypocritical? Was he really calling me stupid because I acted like him one day in all of my life? Another thought hit me. Cryptic questions? These should be so easy to answer! I shouldn't even have to ask them if I felt needed! It's all their fault! Their fault for ignoring me! Not listening to me! Not believing me when I needed their support! Always dumping their problems on me and expecting me to be okay! I. Blew. Up.

"You absolute jerk! When was the last time that you did anything worthwhile?! When was the last time you helped take care of Zoe instead of hanging out with Skye all day?! When was the last time that you actually got home before eleven and didn't scare me because I thought, maybe this is the time he's not coming home?! When was the last time that you didn't spend the entire day complaining about being in Terra Nova instead of choking on air in 2149?! When was the last time you didn't make fun of me or insult me when you saw me?!"

My parents looked stunned by this sudden information and turned to Josh. He was to shocked at the sudden anger in my raised voice to defend himself. I was just getting started. "I seem to remember it being the day that dad got arrested! After that you pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth! I had to take and pick up Zoe from school! I had to make dinner and buy groceries and clean the apartment! I had to go to school completely defenseless because you were never there! I had to wait for you to come home every night so that mom wouldn't worry about you and she could get some sleep before working another shift at the hospital! I had to abandon what ever life I had in 2149 so that you could still have one! All those digs about me not having a life? Only true because I was letting you have yours!" He opened his mouth to argue.

I heard my mom mutter, "School defenseless? What does that mean," to herself but I plowed on, ignoring them both.

"And it hasn't changed since! Nothing has changed since we got here! You still leave at all hours of the day! You still abandon Zoe! You still make fun of me! You still go off and do stupid activities just so that mom and dad," I jerked my finger in their direction, "have to chase after you! Have you ever thought about how you're affecting everyone else Josh? Even once?" He didn't reply. The house was quiet until my dad stepped forward.

"Maddy, I think that was a little excessive, besides, I want to know what you meant about school." All I could see was red for a moment before I turned on him with a glare. He stepped back obviously not expecting this.

"A little excessive? If anything that was an understatement! All of that was true!"

"Maddy, that's enough!" My mom shouted. I turned on her next.

"No, no it's not! You're just as bad as he is!" She stumbled back as if physically struck, "you're never home to help with Zoe either! You were always working in 2149! You still are here! And you were always worrying about everything! And I get it, there was a lot to worry about between the population patrol always coming and Josh being an idiot but I didn't have to slip through the cracks, right? I mean, it was like I wasn't there unless you needed me to look after Zoe. It still is that way! Just today you didn't even look at me when you left, you just expected me to look after Zoe! When was the last time that you talked to me about anything? Just me and you, one on one, talking about something that didn't pertain to Zoe?" She didn't answer me either. "That's what I thought. Gosh, and even during that whole situation with Dr. Horton. I tried to talk to you. You just didn't listen. You never have."

"We listened to you at the end." She tried to say. I scoffed.

"No you didn't! Right in the middle of you guys comforting me Josh came up and put that capsule of medicine on the table! Suddenly, me almost dying wasn't important enough to talk about when Josh had done something stupid again! Nothing has changed! Not since dad's been back! Not since we came to Terra Nova! None of you have done anything to change! I thought I could just ignore it but it just seemed to get worse and worse until I couldn't handle it!" I took a breathe to try and calm myself. My family looked at each other uneasily.

"Honey..."

"I'm not finished! Every time I've done something significant, something else has come up that was more important! Moving up in school wasn't as important as the population controls constant visits, and it's true, it wasn't as important," I began to pace, "but none of you even seemed to acknowledge the fact that I was doing anything that could be considered successful! No one ever talked about it! It was just brushed to the side. Or the time that I got that award in school! It was a pretty big deal! It could have led to a scholarship and possibly even a house in the domes but I bet you don't even remember, because while I was trying to tell you Josh came in with a beat up old guitar and overshadowed me again!" I took a deep breathe and stopped pacing before my voice dropped down to so quiet my family had to lean in to hear.

"Even when I was in the hospital in 2149. I was coughing up blood for months before any of you noticed. It was just sheer chance that mom got home from the hospital early that day and I didn't have enough time to hide it." My dad broke in unexpectedly.

"Hide it?! Maddy, you were coughing up blood! Why in the world would you try to hide that?!" My voice picked up again.

"Because none of you guys had cared about me before! I figured out pretty quick that no one would listen and so I didn't tell anyone!", my voice dropped, "Besides, none of us had the money for a hospital visit since mom was the only one working and it was obvious that I wasn't worth wasting the money on. Gosh, and you guys make it seem like you cared so much that I was in the hospital but as soon as we got the offer for Terra Nova it was like I didn't exist again! Everyone went on and on about going to Terra Nova, a second chance at life. My breathing was still so bad I didn't think I'd live long enough to finish my first chance!" My mind seemed to fly out the window at my next statement.

"I've literally been crying all day trying to convince myself that maybe you care in some twisted way but I couldn't. All I could see were flashbacks of school and how much I wish that maybe I hadn't fixed my re-breather. Then I wouldn't be so much of a burden." I stopped and looked at the floor with wide eyes. I hadn't meant to voice that allowed. That was personal. That was a closely guarded secret that no one in my family was supposed to know. They weren't supposed to know that I had wanted to die. They weren't supposed to know that there were still some days that I thought about it. I closed my eyes and begged that they wouldn't notice my slip.

"Maddy." My dad's voice was dangerously low and I felt tears dribble down my cheeks as my shoulders shook. "What is that supposed to mean?" I knew that I couldn't backtrack out of this. I had dug myself into a rut and now there was no going back.

"E-even before you were sent to prison...school was always a nightmare. None of the other students liked me. They were constantly mocking me and sending these terrible notes in the middle of classes. They would find me in the hallways and shove me into the lockers and throw my backpack and supplies all over the hall. They sent me death threats and pushed me down flights of stairs. They wouldn't let me into class and they would beat me up in the middle of the hallway. Punches, kicks, everything you can think of. It was terrible. I never told any of you because there was always something going on at home. It just never seemed like a good time to bring it up."

"I remember having bruises all over myself practically every day. I still have scars from when it started to get worse, right before we left for Terra Nova. None of you ever noticed though. I think that was what first tipped me off for realizing that none of you cared." Glancing up I could see my family standing very still staring at me. My mom had her hand over her mouth and tears dancing in her eyes. Josh looked shell shocked. My dad had an unreadable expression on his face. I barreled on with the story still sniffling but now trying to wipe the tears away.

"One day, after some of the other students finished beating me up they took my re-breather and threw it against the lockers. I-it shattered into pieces. There were parts lying everywhere," I heard my mother gasp and I knew exactly why. Breaking a re-breather was a death sentence. The fact that someone had broken mine willingly spoke volumes, "I spent the entire day in the library repairing it because I knew that I had to go pick up Zoe and none of us had the money to buy another re-breather. I had to test it out in the courtyard and it didn't work the first time."

"The air literally felt like it was eating away at my lungs from the inside out and that was only one breath. I got it to work the second time for a little bit but after picking up Zoe it stopped filtering. I-I couldn't breath and i-it was terrifying. I walked all the way to the apartment breathing in all that pollution and exhaust. As soon as we got home I fixed it again making sure that it definitely wouldn't break. By then it was to late. The next morning I was coughing and gagging and a few weeks after that I was spitting up blood." I paused hesitant to disclose this information. One glance at my dad immediately made me continue.

"When none of you noticed I just realized that hiding it would be easier. I kept going to school and when the other students saw that I was coughing blood they just laughed and told me that I deserved it. I don't know if you realized it but I stopped talking after that. It just wasn't worth the effort when no one wanted to hear me and it hurt to even open my mouth. And then mom was home that day and I couldn't get out of the way before she saw my hand covered in blood and then I started coughing and suddenly I was in the hospital and you guys were acting like you cared about me and Josh was looking after Zoe and I started to wonder what would happen if maybe I didn't make it. Josh would have acted more like a part of the family. Dad would have been released from jail since there wasn't a fifth member of the family. Zoe would have been able to live her life. There wouldn't be anymore annoying middle child that was using up all the money in the hospital. And then I was released and mom got the offer for Terra Nova. Then I started thinking about how much easier it would be if I didn't exist. There wouldn't have been so much debate as to whether or not we actually could go because dad wouldn't have a criminal record. I wouldn't have been a health risk. Josh wouldn't have fought tooth and nail to stay. Zoe wouldn't have needed to be smuggled in. It all would have been so much simpler."

The room was dead silent. No one made a noise. The only thing you could hear was the rain outside which must have picked up at some point. No one moved. I didn't dare look up from the floor. Now they knew everything. I couldn't bare to see their reactions. They must have realized by now how absolutely useless I was. The only thing I had going for me was a big brain of stupid facts and if school had taught me anything it was that no one wanted that. It was an abomination. I was an abomination. Now more than ever I wished that I had never been born. A quiet opening of the door in the hallway made me pick my head up and wipe my eyes hurriedly. Zoe walked into the room and I could see that she held a paper in her hand.

"Maddy, look what I drew!" She ran over to me and held up the picture so I could see. I knelt down and let her point out everything in the picture. "There's mom and dad and there's Josh! And they're all standing by a dinosaur! They look really tiny next to him." She giggled and looked at me expectantly. I looked at the picture with a fond smile before I noticed something and suddenly my heart felt like it was being put through a paper shredder. I couldn't breath.

I wasn't in the picture.

I forced a smile and looked at her, "It looks great Zoe. How about we hang it up on the fridge so everyone can see it?" She nodded her head vigorously and I stood up moving to the kitchen. I took a magnet from the fridge and stuck the picture up on the fridge and stepped back a bit. Studying it I could see that Zoe had put a lot of effort into making each person look right. Mom and dad were holding hands and Josh was looking off into the distance. Each was holding something that described them. Josh a guitar, mom a stethoscope, and dad a gun. The dinosaur was all of her favorite colors and was eating some leaves. And yet I wasn't in it. In the middle of my examination I could hear shuffling behind me and saw Zoe pulling the others over to see her project. I stepped back to let them get a clear view. They all stepped forward while Zoe babbled on about the picture, but I tuned her voice out. I wasn't in the picture. After all that I did for her and I wasn't in a simple picture of our family. Instead I was replaced with a dinosaur. If that didn't prove how unimportant I was I don't know what did. My mothers voice is what brought me out of my thoughts.

"Maddy..." She trailed off uncertainly. I looked up to see that Zoe had left the room again and that everyone was giving me pitying looks. I couldn't take it. Pushing past them roughly to hide my tears I made my way to the front door and stepped out into the rain. I needed to get out of there. Walking out into the rain I could immediately feel myself getting soaked. I don't know where I was planning on going but I didn't get a chance to figure it out before I felt someone grip my arm and twist me around. Before I had anytime to react I was pulled into a tight hug pressed up against my dad's chest. I fought to pull away and tried to punch him but it was no use. He wasn't going to let go. My fight died out and eventually all I could do was sob into his chest, shaking and gasping. A hushed, "Please tell me you don't still feel like that," met my ears and the only answer that I could give back was, "Nothing's changed." My sobbing didn't let up. I lost track of time but I felt my dad bring me back inside and my mom help get me dried off. When I was back to my senses a little bit I realized I was in my pajamas, sitting on the couch, and being wrapped in a blanket. My dad started hugging me again and I just let myself cry, leaning into his embrace. Everything that I had been holding in for years came out. All the pain, the frustrations, the sadness. Everything.


	5. Terra Nova- A New Start

I could feel someone rubbing my back as I continued to sob. Probably my mom. It was nice to have them here, even if it wouldn't mean anything in the next few days. The thought just made me sob harder. I wasn't ready to be forgotten again. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

It felt like hours before I finally had calmed done enough to talk. I leaned against my dad, mom still rubbing circles in my back. When I turned to look at them I could see that they both had tear trails on their face as well. My mind couldn't seem to grasp what was happening. They were comforting me? For real this time? I heard shuffling down the hall. Josh walked into the room with his hands behind his back hesitantly. A flashback of Dr. Horton's incident flickered in front of my eyes and I thought, here it comes, something more important than me.

"Hey, Zoe's in bed now. I read her a story and everything," he whispered. I stared at him with big wide eyes.

"Thanks Josh," I stuttered out. Was this really happening? He shook his head in response to my statement, interrupting my thoughts.

"Don't thank me, you were right. I'm not ever here and I need to take some responsibility for Zoe. And you. I'm not letting anyone else touch you ever again. And I'm sorry for being so rude to you. I was just so mad at everything. I've taken it out on you and it isn't fair. I promise that I'll stop making fun of you and make an effort to be a better member of the family." While it didn't make up for what he had done it was a step in the right direction. I smiled up at him from my position. He smiled back before sitting on the chair opposite of us. He pulled out a picture from behind his back and leaned towards me to hand it to me. I grabbed it to see what it was.

It was a picture of me, carefully colored and designed. I had little numbers and facts all around me and I could see that Zoe must have drawn this before her other picture to have it so detailed. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I found it in your room on the wall. She had hung it up for you to see later. I grabbed it after she was asleep because I thought that it might make you feel better." I could only nod as my mom hugged me from the side, dad loosening his grip.

"Maddy, I'm so sorry I ever made you feel like you weren't important. You are. I can't fix what I've already done but I promise from now on to pay more attention to you and your problems. And please, please come to me if you ever feel like this again. I don't care if you have to yank me away from a surgery to do it, you make sure that I know how you feel because I never ever want you to think that you're not part of this family." I nodded with tears in my eyes and a shocked expression on my face. Was this really happening? After all this time? I laughed silently in relief. It felt like the weight of the world had suddenly slipped off my shoulders after I had held it up for years.

"Maddy, we love you. I'm so sorry that we ever ignored you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you all these years. I'm sorry that all that responsibility was dumped on you. I'm sorry. But I'm going to fix it now. I promise." My dad added sincerely. I looked him in the eyes and smiled wide for the first time in what felt like years, "And Maddy, you are important to us. I-," he choked up slightly and I looked at him in disbelief. Was he actually crying? Over me? "I wouldn't be here without you. Without your laser at the prison I never would have gotten out. I never would have gotten to Terra Nova. I never would have seen any of you again." He choked back another sob. "I will never forget that Maddy. Ever. Thank you."

He hugged me ever closer and I didn't fight it. I had missed this. I had missed him. With Dad being so busy in the colony we hadn't talked truly since he had escaped. And thinking back now he had never said thank you either which really wasn't a big deal considering he was back with the family again; back with us, but it felt nice to finally be appreciated for something I had accomplished. To know that he noticed and he cared. It was finally happening. I smiled wide. They were finally showing me that they cared. I had one more person that I needed to talk to. Pulling away from the hug I looked up into my dad's eyes.

"Dad, I really owe Mark a thank you. Without him, I never would have told any of you. I really need to go talk to him." He hesitated before nodding at me.

"As long as you tell him I said thank you as well." I nodded enthusiastically before jumping up from the couch and grabbing a jacket as I ran out the door. The rain had let up a little so I could see as I ran across the gravel walkways. Making my way to his porch I knocked on the door breathlessly. Almost immediately he opened the door.

"Maddy! Are you okay? Did I do the right thing? Please tell me that they didn't hurt you or I swear-! I cut him off by smashing my lips against his. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around my waist and pull me closer as my arms hooked themselves around his neck. The kiss only ended once we both were gasping for breath. He looked at me and I couldn't help from beaming.

"Thank you Mark. Thank you so, so, much. We-we figured it all out. They still love me." I hugged him tightly. "Thank you." He held me tight.

"I love you, Maddy Shannon. If you ever need me, I will always be there." I held him tighter.

"I love you too. I love you so much." We stood like that for hours, just holding one another until the sun began to rise over the horizon and bathe the colony in the light of a new day.


End file.
